Ever have that feeling of wanting to go out all night and party the night away like you used to. Just one night out, to remind you why you stopped going out in the first place. Just one night out doesn’t mean one night, there is so much preparation and expectation, then there is the recovery.
We forget that going out is hard work. I used to do it often, but then I went through a time where staying in on the couch and watching TV was a better way to spend my time. I would often say to my friends that I don’t go out much, they would concur. We all seem to have a feeling of growing up. I never knew what it actually meant until I had my daughter. Going out at night is much harder now, even impossible. I’m not angry about it. I would much rather be at home with my daughter, knowing she is safe and well. It’s such a small part of my life that I am spending so much time with her that I want to make it count.
Scrolling through Facebook, though and seeing my non-baby friends meeting up for afternoon drinks that turn into all-nighters, or a great night happening at a club. These posts do make me feel like I want to be like that again. I know it won’t, but I still won’t stop myself from thinking about it.
One evening I was having a drink and one of my favourite tunes came on. I just had a feeling that I would love to go somewhere and dance all night amongst other people who just want to enjoy the night. I know this feeling because I did it often before I had my daughter. It is more than just going out, it’s that feeling of having no responsibilities, no one relying on you. Once you have you first child, this responsibility is so important to the well-being of your child. There is no option to take a break from it. Your child needs you to be there. The day I found out I was pregnant was the day I lived for someone other than myself. What a beautiful way to live.
This doesn’t mean that sometimes I don’t want to, sometimes I want to live for me. I don’t feel guilty about this, as I know the feeling passes. The happy times I have with my daughter are tenfold over a minuscule night out. I also know that these few years I have with my daughter are so special, soon she will be growing up and following her own path of life, whatever it will be. I will have ‘me’ back, but I do wonder whether I will want ‘me’ back.