How to find your mum tribe amongst the mum cliques.
Mum cliques, they do exist. I’ve seen them in action. I even tried to join one that I knew I wasn’t going to fit into.
Going to mommy groups can be a little like being back at school. Say hello to clique Ville!! The only difference now is that you know your tribe. You know the type of people you like to hang about with. Now that you are a mum, you need to find your mum tribe. You can ask any new mum what it was like trying to find that one person who gets you. Sometimes you are lucky and you find two or more. That’s just awesome. This thought can be so terrifying for any new mum. I’m here to tell you that you can and should go to these groups to find your ‘mummy friend’. These are the friends that understand you. They know that you haven’t slept. They know that you are on the verge of crying at any second. They know that you have thought of just leaving your child with them and going for a nap (even though you would never do that). They get you. So how do you find these mums?
Mums are everywhere. Depending on the type of person you are, you can find mums in the coffee shop, playgrounds, free groups and paid groups. Every mum is in the same boat, we all have a baseline of what is happening to us. Tired/need adult conversation/tired. So, if you spot a mum who you think you would get along with, go up to them and say hi. Start a conversation. Why not, the other mum might have been to0 scared to, so you do it. Do it.
If you are going to a group you like, try to go regularly. This will help you become familiar with these new mums. Remember, you are tired, they are tired. They’re not their best selves and you are not your best self. So give each other a break, you might think someone is annoying, but at the moment you think anything is annoying. Going regularly will help you figure out who you will get along with. Don’t worry if you end up not getting on with someone, just move on. You need to find your tribe. Whether it’s one person or more. They are out there. It won’t happen straight away, my little one is 22 months and iv only found a few mums who I see regularly. When I say regularly, I’m mean at least once a month. Getting out of the house is hard, with cooking and cleaning 20 thousand times a day.
Also, you will start to realise that every mum is scared that their child is going to hurt all the other children. Even you are going to worry about this. In this instance, if you do gentle parenting or let kids learn by experience, you might get annoyed at the constant, ‘you must learn to share’ or ‘Be gentle/careful’. Even I find myself doing this. You will need to find a group that is open to child-led play. Once you know how you are going to parent, then, you can find groups that have the same views on how children interact. It’s all about finding your tribe. I believe in letting kids learn to share, play and communicate without the help of adults, it’s so important for them. Sometimes you just have to find a group more suited, don’t feel bad.
Ask the mum out for coffee, most likely they will be free to do coffee, anything to get out of the house (especially the early days of baby, when all you want to do is leave the house). Doesn’t even matter if you might not see them again. You might.
Lastly, you will talk and spend time with people you would never normally spend time with. This is how you start to find out if you like them, if you click. So say hi to many mums. This will help you find your mum tribe.
It is easier if you have pre-pregnant friends that are pregnant, as they are more likely to parent like you, but I knew no-one. I had to start from scratch. You need your mum friends. Keep in touch with your old friends, though, it’s nice to be able to talk to friends about normal stuff, rather than sleep, breastfeeding, tiredness and everything else that you child does.
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